Twinkie Eulogy

A year ago the thought of Twinkies no longer existing would have caused a serious panic attack. I could envision myself loading the back of my minivan with all the available Twinkies in the Wichita area.

I had a serious love for the Twinkie. In fact I loved them so much that I wouldn't buy them. I literally couldn't control myself. I would stash them in the refrigerator, they are fantastic cold, and eat one after another. If someone was around I would eat just three. If I was alone then four or five. People used to buy them for me as gifts. I even had someone give me Twinkie pajama pants. 

But, the desire for Twinkies and other complete crap "foods" ended last November. I had forgotten my blood pressure medicine for several days, well honestly I just hadn't made the time to pick it up. Anywhoo, I was at work and all of the sudden I had this horrible pain in my left chest. It radiated down my arm and up into my neck. Suddenly, I found myself in the midst of a hypertension crisis. 

I went to my boss who happens to be a close friend and in a tear filled panic told her what was going on. She whisked me off to the ER and soon I was in a hospital gown, sucking on nitroglycerin, and being taken back for a CT of my chest.

My labs looked good except for my elevated blood glucose, but they were still concerned enough that they thought I should have a heart cath to check for a blockage. This requires a catheter to be inserted into the artery in your right wrist all the way up the arm and into your heart. Once it is there the doctor  shoots dye into your heart while x-rays are taken to check for any problems.

I was in shock. I couldn't believe this was happening. How could I call my boys and tell them their mom might have had a heart attack? I was a mess. My friend called my sister to let her know what was going on and she called my parents. I called my boys and down played the situation, but they aren't little kids anymore, and I found out later just how scared they were.

I cried to God. Please let me be ok. Please give me one more chance to change the way I treat my body before they have to crack my chest open. My father had his first heart attack at age 40 and I was only a few months from my 40th birthday. My grandparents, and uncles had open heart surgery. My beloved Aunt Linda had even died in her late 30's from a heart attack. But, I had still abused my body with food, a sedentary lifestyle, and extreme stress.

The heart cath turned out good. No blockages and no apparent damage to my heart. They believe my pain was from my blood pressure being dangerously elevated.

The days after this nightmare were filled with a lot of anxiety and regret. I felt horrible for putting my family through the experience and I knew all of it was completely avoidable. Here I was almost 40, 70lbs overweight, and my idea of exercise was walking the stairs up to our office Monday thru Friday.

So now back to the Twinkies. I would love to say that the experience of being literally strapped to a surgical bed and having a doctor play hide and seek with my arteries changed me immediately but it's not that easy. When you spend your adult life stuffing your face with all the addictive man made "foods" you can't just stop.

It is just like being an alcoholic or drug addict. My body actually craved fat, sugar, and the chemicals that are found in these foods. I would get pissed off. Seriously, I wasn't irritated that I couldn't have a whole carton of ice cream, I was furious. Ask my kids. If we were at the grocery store and I picked up some cookies they would tell me to put them back and all hell would break loose. I didn't scream or yell. I just went into the full out, "I am your mother!" lecture. They in turn broke out the "So you want to have a heart attack!" lecture and I would put them back. But I was so incredibly mad!

So what finally clicked? I honestly have no idea. Friends at work started going to an exercise class on Tuesday and Thursdays so I went once. Then I went again. And I kept going. Then I started to like it. I loved the way my muscles hurt for days after we had lifted weights. And slowly I started to feel strong.

I hate cardio so I started talking to friends about lifting more weights. I also started making small diet changes. I drank more water. I try to get at least 48 oz per day. My goal is to get a solid 64 oz per day. 

Then I started really looking at the food I buy.I started my buying hormone free milk. Then cage free eggs. Soon I was getting organic chicken and buying more fresh veggies. Then I found myself eating more fruit and trying new things like whey protien.

This is a slow process and no one should feel like they need to change everything at once. You will just set yourself up for failure. So if I could advise you on what you should do first I recommend you start lifting weights. You not only get stronger, you also burn calories long after your workout. The second thing you should do is measure yourself and avoid the scale. Look at your "non-scale victories". I see a lot of people talk about this on various blogs. Don't measure your progress on the scale more than twice a month. The rest of the time focus on daily accomplishments. Like drinking all your water or avoiding the cookies a co-worker brought in today. And remember when your building muscle the scale is the worst measure of success because muscle weighs more than fat. So if you measure your waist, thighs, and arms you can see the inches you loose instead of the pounds.

I like the fact that my children are eating better and that I have them to hold me accountable. I now workout five times a week. Cardio is not my arch nemesis anymore. It's safe to say I am addicted to the sweat which is much better than my previous addiction to Twinkies.